Lost in the Desert

What happens when we are familiar with things?  When we feel we've got this?  We can become lost.  The other day I was taking Chloe to school.  Amy was out of town for business and I had things going really well that morning.  Loaded everyone into the van, took off for school, dropped her off and began our return journey.  I was chatting with Everitt and Eden and before long I was lost.  I suddenly realized that I was on a street that was not familiar.  I took a few more turns and did not come to anything familiar.  So I resorted to the GPS in my phone.  We found our way back home.  

In my last post I reported that we were now on the journey to purchasing our new home.  When we made the decision to join on this adventure I made plans.  I made lists.  I researched.  Then I did it all again.  I was ready. (in my mind)  What I wasn't prepared for was the extra costs in purchasing a home, receiving less on the sale of our Iowa home than planned, paying for prescriptions for 90 days with out insurance, receiving no holiday pay (Labor day), finding out that we can't afford the health insurance offered through Phil's new job.  SO...... we are scraping, we are researching an alternative for health insurance, we are wandering in the desert.

The other night I freaked, I lost it.  The tears wouldn't stop, my gut was tied in a knot.  I felt hopeless, I couldn't see a way out.  I want to obey, I want to serve, - but how can that be?  How can this work out?  I told Phil - "Put me in front of 500 people to speak and I'm ok with that.  But this is freaking me out."

When we made our announcement for this journey, many said to us that it was like Abram obeying the call to go.  We felt the same way.  We came without having a house in mind, without confirmation of a job, without visiting first.  Many would call the crazy, but we truly felt at peace about it.  When we are obedient, it makes Satan angry.  He loves to mess things up, or at least try.  

We now feel like we are lost in the desert.  We are in a spot  where we feel like we are being attacked by the scorpions of the desert, the slithering snakes keep following us, the sand is in our shoes, our hair, our clothes, we have been poked by many cacti.  We are blinded by the sun and can't find our way home. 

And yet if we are patient, it cools at night, we see the beauty in each cactus and the life that calls this home.  Satan doesn't want to see us survive, doesn't want us to see the beauty.  He wants us to run back with our tails between our legs, to say we can't do it, to question why God would want us to go through this.

I was never one to wear or use much brown, but in the last few years I began to see the beauty in it.  Especially pared with blue.  Now I live in a location where there are many variations of browns and grays.  And over 300 days a year of a wondrous blue sky to accent them.  I am seeing the beauty in the desert.  

Now I need to seek patience and stay focused on God.  How wonderful it is that we have a God that wants to shower us with Grace, wrap His arms around us,and love us unconditionally.  I want to obey, I want to reflect His love in me.  I want to see the beauty in this desert.

I do feel lost in the desert, but I am not alone.  Will I make more mistakes?  Yes, of that you can be sure.  But I am not alone.
8 Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”  Deut 31:8