I'm a bit of a Fixer Upper

I’ve been struggling to write a blog for a few days.  I love to write what God fills my head with, be it funny, observation or words from Him.  But I’ve been struggling inside my head for a few weeks.  And while I was processing this yet again, the song from Frozen came into my head – He’s a Bit of a Fixer Upper.  Here are a couple of stanzas from the song:

So he's a bit of a fixer-upper,
but this we're certain of
You can fix this fixer-upper
Up with a little bit of love!

He's just a bit of a fixer-upper,
He's got a couple of bugs
His isolation is confirmation
Of his desperation for healing hugs

Yep, again a song spoke to me.  I can’t imagine life without music.  I feel this song can describe all of us.  Some need more fixing up than others, depending on where we are on our journey or what we have or are going through.  I am definitely a fixer upper.  And I have to remind myself of this when I get too down on “me”. Because we are all fixer uppers, not trash to be thrown away.

I love where we are living.  I love the opportunities that are here.  I love our new church.  I love the weather.  I love that Phil is working at a job he loves and they love him.  We would not have made this “jump” if we didn’t have family doing this along side of us.  And yes, it is definitely hard not having our other two children here with us as well as those friends that have known  you forever and love you no matter how you look, what you are feeling, or the mistakes you have made.  The person (s) that you can see them and first response is to give you a hug.  The ones that always have a Kleenex handy

when the tears fall easy.  Friends that know what to say to give you a lift, a laugh, or maybe just to listen.

I’m going to put this out there (I know some of you already know this) – I have an illness called depression.  I purposely stated it that way because it is an illness, not a choice.  There are times that it “rears” its ugly head and makes life a challenge.  A challenge because it is like a battle going on within, tears always at the surface.  Like other illnesses there is medication to help, exercise and sleep that are good, as well as some other things. 

Well, right now – it’s a battle.  If your path were to cross mine I would smile and greet you.  I would probably engage in conversation.  I would most likely try to direct it towards you because it is uncomfortable to think about me. 

Counseling helped me to learn to redirect negative thoughts, to look at things in the right way and to recognize what is going on when the difficult days appear.  It is also a tremendous help to have an amazing husband that loves me unconditionally.  But what I am missing are those close friends with the Kleenex and the hugs.

I didn’t want to write this at first, because I am a Christian and this shouldn’t be happening, right?  WRONG!  We live in an imperfect world, we have struggles and illnesses.  We all are fixer uppers (not trash) and He also reminds me of a children’s song that I have also loved the words to – He’s Still Working on Me

Chorus:
He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me

Repeat Chorus

There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
Don't judge him yet, there's an unfinished part
But I'll be better just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands

Repeat Chorus

In the mirror of His word
Reflections that I see
Makes me wonder why He never gave up on me
But He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the potter; I'm the clay

Repeat Chorus (x2)

How loving and patient He must be!  ‘Cause He’s still working on me, a fixer upper!  Give someone a hug today – it can do more than you would ever imagine.