Weddings, marriage and all that jazz!

In Jesus day, weddings lasted usually from 5- 7 days.  Lots of food, music, merriment and ceremony.  This was your time of celebration, honeymoon, gifts, etc. all rolled into one location, one week, one gathering.  When that ended – move on to what would hopefully be a long and blessed marriage.

For Phil and me, we rehearsed on Friday evening, went to a supper with all involved in the wedding, opened gifts from them and enjoyed the following day as our wedding.  Following a reception in the church basement with the traditional ham sandwiches and cake, we then left in my new dress sewn by my mom as my “going away outfit” on a honeymoon which we drove to and returned home after 8 days with less than 50 cents in our pocket.  Then our families gathered once more for the opening of the rest of our gifts.  That was 36 years ago today that we said “I do”.

When our daughters were married.  Each had a rehearsal dinner but in different settings.  One was held in a restaurant and the other in our back yard with a Caribbean/Fiesta theme.  Both were married on a Saturday followed immediately with a reception at the church.   And both returned the following day for a brunch with families and close friends at which time they opened their gifts.  

I had the delight and blessing of 5 showers to help us prepare for our home.  The girls each had one.  Some people have huge engagement parties, theme based showers, which are sometimes a destination, bridal party parties, (did you get that?), groom get away, exotic gifts for the attendees.  Then there is the wedding, followed by a huge meal at a different location and many times a dance.  Some brides are even purchasing two gowns, one to be married in and one for the reception.  

I guess what I am trying to get at here is that it is the marriage that is the important thing.  The wedding is fun, but it’s how you center your marriage, how you focus, how you live each day that really matters.  At first I said often that I wished we would have…, I think we should have…., but now I just remember how I felt when I first saw my soon to be husband in his tux (and yes it was all white – 1980 ;) I remember how I couldn’t wait to start our married life together and to just be us.

 Our son will be getting married later this summer and this past January I was privileged to meet his fiancé.  Unfortunately the rest of our family here in Washington have not been able to do so but we have skyped.  While back in Iowa I felt that God gave me this message.  Now I knew I wasn’t going to be asked to give the message at the ceremony ;) so I thought I would share it with you now, on our anniversary and with our daughters celebrating theirs next month and with our son’s soon to be wedding.  Remember that this is with them in mind and with each of their interests as examples.

In a marriage sharing is the key to longevity and happiness and fulfillment.

Imagine that you are each holding on to one end of a rope.  If you try to play tug of war, there will be a winner and a loser.  And I’m not going to say who I think that might be ;)  But that is not what we want.  Now there will be certain times during your marriage when the center of the rope may be pulled closer to one or the other.  This can happen when one is ill, when one of you is struggling with something or you both are focused on completing a goal one of you have.  What you need to make sure of is you bring it back to the center again.  You do this through communication, through prayer, through listening, through supporting and helping each other.

(This is where you pretend you see this cool image of a rope with a great knot in the center secured around the cross, representing Christ :) )

For instance, in hunting – the rope probably is going to be pulled Amanda’s way.  In soccer, Timothy would probably have the stronger upper hand.  In playing Ticket to Ride, I hear it tends to go Amanda’s direction.  That’s o.k. as long as you are both still hanging on to it and the one on the stronger side gently pushes it back to the center again.

In your marriage you will share decisions, money, chores, laughter, struggles, and hopefully one day children.  You share in cleaning up dog messes and when one is sick.  You also share in promotions and successes.  There will be times when the rope may get tugged more to one side, but remember, bring it back to the  middle and but no matter what is happening, what is going on, how hard it may be - never let go.

Also the rope should never be intended for harm.  Assist each other so neither one gets rope burn.  There will be times when things seem to be rolling along smoothly and the rope may become slack.  If that happens, it can get tangled, caught up on something.  The key is to have the center tied to what needs to be the center of your marriage, and that is God.  When God has a hold of the rope, it won’t drag down, won’t get too far off center and helps you stay focused.